kimberly townsend

singer/songwriter; vibe-y soul stuff

ruminated

[i used to be just like them now i'm just like me
i used to be just like them now i'm just like me]

i fell in line with what you showed
i bended backward to da floor
i nodded hard without a fight
my realest feels locked outta sight

i pledged allegiance to the craze
i drank the hype i ate the phase
you comment these are better days
i said i woke and kicked the lazy

[//]

i wrapped the flaw inside the fear
i pulled the blinds and disappeared
i smeared the ache across the wall
i took the truth and kept it small

such torn and tattered weathered ways
such effort to erase the haze
i halted cautious in the maze
of black and white exhausted days

[//]

and i'm not gonna hold that hate
i ain't got space inside for that kind of rage
no i am not gonna hold that hate
i ain't got space inside for that kind of rage

i am speaking out the words i think
uncertain left she went instinct
compliance dusty on the shelf
this deeply rooted sense of self
replaced the wavering of grace
this quirky talk and silly space
this soul to mind to pen to page
i found the clear
i burned with sage


↞ ↞  ••••••  ↠ ↠

 

steps

it wasn't kind
but i've shaped myself from what i've felt outside
it wasn't right
but i took the energy and made it mine

[now i'm working hard to change it
but it takes a moment, takes a moment, takes a moment, 
takes a moment, takes a moment longer than you'd think]

it didn't help
but i spent a decade pushing off the pain
all by myself
i avoided effort to stay safe

[now i'm working hard to change it
but it takes a moment, takes a moment, takes a moment, 
takes a moment, takes a moment longer than you'd think

i am aiming to be braver
but it means a layer, means a layer, 
means a layer, means a layer of this shield must sink]

and i didn't understand how
i didn't understand how
you could put one foot in front of the other
the weight of it was not a bother to you
it's how you do it all
stay true
pursue
refuse to stall

cause i lost grip of the handle
i lost grip of the handle
the way to take the pieces, add them up
the proof to self i'm worthy of the art
my authenticity
my right to feel
to heal
to leave

it's left a mark
i can choose to let it rot
or wipe it clean
all this debris
i can choose to hide it close
or let it free

[i am working hard to change it
but it takes a moment, takes a moment, takes a moment, 
takes a moment, takes a moment longer than you'd think

i am waking up and breathing deep then taking steps, and
taking steps, and taking steps, and taking steps, and
taking steps that bring me home to me

i am waking up and breathing deep then taking steps, and
taking steps, and taking steps, and taking steps, and
taking steps that bring me home to me]
 

↞ ↞  ••••••  ↠ ↠


 

backwards so

i am finding myself
in the movie star defeat
in the way you move
your feet
in the pieces in between
the rows of misendeavors

i melt backwards so
when the ink
forgets the paper
when i codify a savior
when i scuff up
my obscurities
scoff them gone
rendered unable to breath

[the statue she tells me
you are younger than
you think
go to sleep
please]

i succumbed to my ego
overcome by plastic sin
i smacked of reinvention
my quiet hero
you would hardly understand
my position

i slip under so
when the words don't match
the speaker
when i no longer
believe her
when i pick apart
what defined me
and read up close
the lyrics blur the scene

[the mary she tells me
you are younger
than you think
go to sleep
please
for me]

i lean sideways so
like a stubborn mind
surrendered
to a smooth breeze
under pressure
i wish i knew how
to unfreeze
but something solid
keeps me on my knees

[she tells me
you are younger
go
for me]


↞ ↞  ••••••  ↠ ↠

 

garlic

oops i did not know i had to
bait you still
but with a converting twist
you'll squarely do your fill
and no i do not feel the need
to unfold this twice
the ammunition's kicked
and the tranquil air feels right

[so i am sorry
and i am sorry
and please forgive me
to an endless
imagined brigade
i plead
and today
is a day
is a day
and the fights
on the street
they do not include me
they do not concern me] 

i read the way
these things shake up
you're bound to rip apart
i planned
to dredge hip-deep through muck
but i've barely moved from start
i paused
then i was stuck
now i'm frozen into stone
i've been standing still
so as not to bruise my bones

[//] 

i carved i mean it
into the wall
in a want to save us time
there has been a constant nudge thus far
to dive into an empty grind
the dichotomy
between knowledge and belief
has left me reeling
but to deeply breathe my reality
is beyond revealing

[//]


↞ ↞  ••••••  ↠ ↠

 

what this is

in search
of the reasons why
days unfold as they do
i've run aschew
i am very close
to accepting
my very very present past
and you're aghast
but i say no see i
dedicate my chaos
to the ones who told me
living's only
about trying to flourish
in this livid space

i know this isn't anything
you haven't seen before
but
tell me more
i know you get your courage
based upon
who you were yesterday
but
let me stay
i will hear you fully
we can compare notes
on our thoughts
on the poetry
that comes
from starting a war

a girl comprised of
complexity
gets down real close
she talks to me
she hardly
knows me anymore
but she is trying
we live so loud
a man whose mouth
i remember
gets down real close
he whispers
you can have it if you try
i say
i don't have time for this
tonight
he replies
we live so loud

i get that hurting hard
and giving in
can't be related
i digress
i get that masochism
isn't about what comes later
so
i won't press
i humbly acknowledge
we are not trying our best
but that doesn't mean
that this should matter
any less


↞ ↞  ••••••  ↠ ↠
 

etcetera

[how did we end up
this way
i see you smiling
but there's nothing left
to say
and i thought
i made it clear
when i promised you
i'd fly
to your side
when you're needing
love near
i told you
i said i said i said
i said
i said i'd be
right here
but you keep on
keeping on keeping
on
keeping on
playing these games
and
you're forcing me
to walk walk walk
walk walk walk
walk walk walk
walk walk
walk walk walk
away]

[//]

"Remember, remember,
this is now,
and now, and now.
Live it, feel it;
cling to it."
- sylvia plath